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APARTMENT TO LET, LA TERCIA, SPAIN

Footy Jokes

Footy Jokes

I bumped into Sian Massey in the street today. I said, “Are you aware of the uproar caused after you officiated at the Liverpool v Wolves game? I mean, two Sky Sports pundits were…”
“Yeah yeah,” she interrupted. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
So I explained the offside rule……..

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Swansea win the premier league.”
“You crafty ****!” said the fairy.

QPR are 500/1 to win the Premier League next year.
Which means if you put just £20 on them at the start of the season, you will lose £20.

Emile Heskey (England) 59 caps, 7 goals.
Rene Higuita (Colombia) 68 caps, 8 goals.
Jose Luis Chilavert (Paraguay) 74 caps, 8 goals.
Unlucky Emile, the other two are goalkeepers…

Wayne Rooney – “United have won so many trophies I can’t count.”
He’s missing a full stop after trophies there.

I don’t know why Fulham fans are complaining. I’m sure their statue was cheaper than the £50m Chelsea paid for theirs.

It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave it to Nani, who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me. I stripped off my shirt, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans.
As I crawled back out and put my shirt back on, I knew I’d be in trouble.
I’d forgotten to blow my whistle!!!!

My dog does a somersault everytime Man Utd score a goal.
Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

A Geordie and a mackem get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the Mackem says, “So you’re a Geordie, that’s interesting. I’m a Sunderland fan… Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The Geordie replied, “I totally agree – this must be a sign from God!” He went on, “And look at this – here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?”
He hands the bottle to the Mackem who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Geordie. The Geordie takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Mackem. The Mackem asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The Geordie replies, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the police…”
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