Surely a yellow card offence!!

Most definitely a red card…..

I bumped into Sian Massey in the street today. I said, “Are you aware of the uproar caused after you officiated at the Liverpool v Wolves game? I mean, two Sky Sports pundits were…”
“Yeah yeah,” she interrupted. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
So I explained the offside rule……..

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Swansea win the premier league.”
“You crafty ****!” said the fairy.

QPR are 500/1 to win the Premier League next year.
Which means if you put just £20 on them at the start of the season, you will lose £20.

Emile Heskey (England) 59 caps, 7 goals.
Rene Higuita (Colombia) 68 caps, 8 goals.
Jose Luis Chilavert (Paraguay) 74 caps, 8 goals.
Unlucky Emile, the other two are goalkeepers…

Wayne Rooney – “United have won so many trophies I can’t count.”
He’s missing a full stop after trophies there.

I don’t know why Fulham fans are complaining. I’m sure their statue was cheaper than the £50m Chelsea paid for theirs.

It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave it to Nani, who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me. I stripped off my shirt, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans.
As I crawled back out and put my shirt back on, I knew I’d be in trouble.
I’d forgotten to blow my whistle!!!!

My dog does a somersault everytime Man Utd score a goal.
Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he’s happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally!!

Ewan McGregor and Ryan Giggs walk into a pub but by law I’m not allowed to tell anybody what happened. #superinjunction

Ji Sung Park was the first person to give the game away…..He’s been calling him Lyin Giggs all season

Ryan Giggs and his brother walk into a bar. Ryan says to the barman, “I’ll have whatever he’s having…”

Ryan giggs, what a career…he’s been in 7 FA cup finals, 5 league cup finals, 3 champions league finals and 1 Big Brother quarter finalist!

Ryan Giggs caught having an affair with his brother’s wife – He really does like to keep the ‘Big brother’ theme running, doesnt he?

‘I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.’ – Lee Hendrie

‘I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.’
- Ian Rush

Interviewer: ‘Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?’
David Beckham: ‘Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.’

‘If you’re 0-0 down, there’s no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.’ – Robbie Earle

‘Germany are a very difficult team to play…they had 11 internationals out there today.’ – Steve Lomas

‘I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.’ – Barry Venison

‘I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.’ – David Beckham

‘The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.’ – Phil Neville

‘All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.’
- Mitchell Thomas

‘Alex Ferguson is the best manager I’ve ever had at this level. Well, he’s the only manager I’ve actually had at this level. But he’s the best manager I’ve ever had.’ – David Beckham

‘The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.’
- Graeme Le Saux

‘One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.’
- Alan Shearer

‘I’d rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.’
- Johnny Giles

‘Sometimes in football you have to score goals.’ – Thierry Henry

‘I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.’ – Mark Viduka

‘He’s put on weight and I’ve lost it, and vice versa.’ – Ronnie Whelan

‘If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.’ – Neville Southall

‘We lost because we didn’t win.’ – Ronaldo

‘I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.’ – Paul Gascoigne

‘I’ve never wanted to leave. I’m here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.’ – Alan Shearer

‘I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.’ – Mark Draper

‘You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.’
- Peter Shilton

‘I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don’t want to leave Leicester.’ – Stan Collymore

‘I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.’ – Ade Akinbiyi

‘Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.’
- Ian Wright

‘It was a big relief off my shoulder.’ – Paul Gascoigne

‘I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.’ – Ugo Ehiogu

‘It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.’ – Ian Wright

‘Leeds is a great club and it’s been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.’ – Jonathan Woodgate

‘I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.’ – Stuart Pearce

‘My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.’
- David Beckham

‘I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.’
- Les Ferdinand

‘It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.’ – Richard Rufus

‘There’s no in between – you’re either good or bad. We were in between.’
- Gary Lineker

‘Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win.’ – Vinny Jones

‘When a player gets to 30, so does his body.’ – Glen Hoddle

‘I was a young lad when I was growing up.’ – David O’Leary

‘Home advantage gives you an advantage.’ – Bobby Robson

‘It’s the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.’
- Graham Taylor

‘We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.’ – Ruud Gullit

‘The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.’ – Alex Ferguson

‘In a year’s time, he’s a year older.’ – Bobby Robson

‘The first 90 minutes are the most important.’ – Bobby Robson

‘Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.’
- Graham Taylor

‘As I’ve said before and I’ve said it in the past…’ – Kenny Dalglish

‘He was a player that hasn’t had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.’
- Glenn Hoddle

‘I’ve seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.’ – Jack Charlton

‘People always remember the second half.’ – Graham Taylor

‘If they hadn’t scored, we would’ve won.’ – Howard Wilkinson

‘Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.’
- Bryan Robson

‘It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.’ – Jack Charlton

‘We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.’ – Ray Wilkins

‘I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.’ – Glenn Hoddle

‘Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.’
- Arsene Wenger

‘It wasn’t going to be our day on the night.’ – Bryan Robson

‘Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.’
- Graham Taylor

‘If you can’t stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.’
- Terry Venables

‘He’s 31 this year: last year he was 30.’ – David Coleman

‘The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.’ – Martin Tyler

‘The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.’ David Coleman

‘Peru score their third, and It’s 3-1 to Scotland.’ David Coleman

‘If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.’ – David Coleman

‘Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn’t one of them.’ – Peter Jones

‘Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him…Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.’ – Mike Ingham

‘Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.’ – Radio 5 live

‘This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.’ – Alan Green

‘Martin O’Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.’
- Mike Ingham

‘Such a positive move by Uruguay – bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.’ – John Helm

‘It’s now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.’
- Radio 5 live

‘The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.’ – Mike Ingham

‘Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.’ – Barry Davies

‘West Germany’s Briegel hasn’t been able to get past anyone yet – that’s his trademark.’ – John Helm

‘You don’t score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.’ – Alan Green

‘It’s headed away by John Clark, using his head.’ – Derek Rae

‘Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.’
- John Greig

‘And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.’ – Ian Darke

‘The USA are a goal down, and if they don’t get a goal they’ll lose.’
- John Helm

‘I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.’ – Archie MacPherson

‘McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.’ – Martin Tyler

‘It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.’
- Alan Green

‘Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper’s arm.’
- Barry Davies

‘Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.’ – David Acfield

‘Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.’ – Peter Jones

‘Forest have now lost six matches without winning.’ – David Coleman

A MARRIED footballer who had an affair with Big Brother’s Imogen Thomas has been unmasked on gossip websites.

His secret was exposed as rumours spread across the web like wildfire.

The internet buzzed with speculation about who the randy Premier League ace is, as he continued to hide behind a super-injunction that prevents revealing his identity.

Unfortunately for him, everyone now knows his true identity and it has left everyone wondering what he saw in her that he was willing to spend a lot of money hiding!!

Can’t think for the life of me what it is……..

You can raise funds for your team by agreeing a weekly or monthly amount with your players, for example your players can contribute £1.00 per week to a prize fund.

You can decide on the percentage of the prize fund to be given to your monthly or weekly winner and the percentage you would like to retain as funds raised for your team.

For example:

You encourage 50 players to support your cause

You agree to pay 70% of the takings to the winner and retain 30% for the team

Your weekly prize fund totals £50.00

Therefore, each week you will raise £15.00 for your team and pay out £35.00 to your winners

Over the whole season you will raise £570.00 and have prizes totalling £1,330.00 for your players

Obviously, the more players you have…the more you raise

or

You may choose to retain a greater percentage for your fundraising or charge more each week,

whichever choices you make YOU CAN’T LOSE and it is great fun.

The game encourages your supporters to keep involved and it is great fun to play for the bragging rights.

Sign Up Today

That is how much money either Reading or Swansea City will pocket if they are promoted to the Premier League – the biggest prize in domestic football

The £90m includes more than £40m of higher broadcast income, gate receipts and commercial income next season.

The club would also get payments of up to £48m if immediately relegated.

Paul Rawnsley, director of the Sports Business Group at Deloitte, said: “In financial terms, the Championship play-off final offers the winning club the most substantial prize in world football.

“Promotion offers an unparalleled, and potentially one-off, opportunity to strengthen the foundations of a club for years to come, through sound investment in long-term infrastructure, in addition to the expected player acquisitions in the short term.”

Reading are hoping to return to the Premier League after a three-year absence.

Swansea were last in the top flight in 1983, but victory on Monday would make them the first Welsh team to enter the Premier League since it was established in 1992.

Ok, we’re cheating, she’s not a WAG, but is still involved in football, Charlotte Jackson is the Sky Sports News presenter who finds herself in the centre of the Andy Gray sacking scandal.

Whilst fitting a microphone to himself, Fat and balding Sky Sports soccer pundit Andy Gray tugged open the waistband of his trousers during a rehearsal of a Christmas special on Sky Sports.

Then the Scotasked his fellow presenter: “Charlotte, can you tuck this down here for me, love?”

When an embarrassed Jackson ignored him, he laughed and repeated his indecent proposal: “Tuck that in for me, would you?”

Charlotte presents Sky Sports Football quiz show Take It Like A Fan with John Fendley.
For those of you wondering what the innocent young lady he was talking to actually looks like, here’s a photograph of her, presumably after Andy Gray bashed one out….

Tuck this in here, love.